Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
