I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
