i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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