Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
