meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
