September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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