i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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