it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
