i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
