and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
