Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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