thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
