She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
