I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
