did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
