Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
