I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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