we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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