I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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