She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
