THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
