peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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