So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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