you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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