Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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