She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
