you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
