I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
