ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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