a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
