My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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