he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
