I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
