She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize