i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
