apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
