It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
