I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
