DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
