dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
