dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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