the condom got lost in my hair
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
