Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize