Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She said her name was "party"
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
