OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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