I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
