dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
areolas are like halos for boobs.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize