So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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