is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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