my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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