You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
