The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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