My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize