Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
