shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
