Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We had sex on a dog bed..
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
