I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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