I just saw a hot homeless man
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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