I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she smelled like a LAN party
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
