a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
