Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
