Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
