let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
They took my balls.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
