I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
