Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
