just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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