i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize