Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize