2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
